This blocking was written by me for the competition about half a year ago. He fucked the third place of the audience sympathies and was ruthlessly abandoned into the far corner. But as Woland said, “manuscripts are not burning”, and therefore I decided that it would be necessary to publish it somewhere else. If you like it, then I will get the rest. They are small, a little of them. The couple was even published in SG, but disappeared, because in my blogs I did not find them, which is strange.
This text is humorous fantasy. Therefore, you can look for logic in some actions, but with an eye on modern games and films. For even there are now strange solutions and buttons in all sorts of huts there in the forest. On all questions and wishes – I ask for comments. Not in a personal.
– Get up with everything! The court goes!
A procession entered the hall, consisting of a person, two elves and a small detachment of goblins, which thoroughly carried a man’s cloak in their small handles. The elves were like two drops of water: tall, stately, blond and glasses. Their faces froze the expression of eternal hatred and to all those present in the hall, and to their work as a whole. The person was strikingly different about them. A low fat man with an expression of undisguised joy from his work on his face. For him it was either a show of freaks, or the opportunity to show once again who is the host at home. Although everyone already knew that the elves hold the king only so that no one began to yell, that with what a fright in the human kingdom the elves rule? But at the moment it has worried few. The people gathered in the hall did not even notice how the king stumbled and fell comically, pulling the floor of the goblin detachment behind him. And all because without this there were enough shocking things in the hall. Especially for this court, the building had to expand a little. Or rather, make a huge hole in one of the walls, from which three heads of a huge dragon now sticking out. All three heads were clearly excited and cast fierce glances at the "bench of the defendants", the role of which was played by a huge cage near the opposite wall. There was also enough curious. There were four diverse creatures inside. Man in the cassock of the Church of Holy Silver. But he was clearly not an ordinary member of the brotherhood. He was given a lot. And a huge shield, and no less huge spear, and the outlines of a massive armor protruding them under the cassocks. Let’s move on to the second defendant. Looking at him, one would think that either the geneticist of the elves does not really bother on the appearance of the representatives of his race, or it was the third brother of the twins from the entered commission. Well, a tenacious look, daggers, onions and inconspicuous clothes gave out a thief in it. The third character clearly felt most uncomfortable. His horns stuck out between the upper rods of the cage, but he still had to bend three deaths to fit there. The looting bandage was on it, but the ax was taken and set aside, since it took even more space than its owner. And yes. It was a minotaur. Well, the last one was just a man in a cassock with a hood. Although next to him is some kind of cat with an amazingly smart look, but much more clearly the magician in it was given the coating with runes, scars and burns of hands. Now that the whole reconnaissance of the hall is painted (you can say little about the decoration of the hall: benches, a crowd of a diverse people on them (people, orcs, hobbits, jangles, gnomes, elves, goblins, two sobbing minotaurs and another dragon whose only head was sticking out of the ceiling), the tribune for the lawyers from different walls), you can return to different walls)procession, which has already reached the stands, sat down and laid out the papers. But as soon as the king was opening his mouth, the doors behind the people of the people opened, and two people burst into the hall with the same diplomats, in the same costumes and exactly the same. They pushed, grumbled at each other, and almost bit on the way to the podium. Near the rostrum, they parted to the tables standing near different walls, finally duging each other, began to lay out documents, caught on, collected everything from the tables and rushed to change the tables. After a minute, everything calmed down. The king opened his mouth for the second time to start his speech, but then there was a distant scream “Death to the Dragons”, the head from the audience wiped the eyes and disappeared from the hall. Everyone patiently began to wait. A minute later, the cries and the roar subsided and the head returned:
-Khe-khe?, – asked the elves.
“Excuse me,” answered the dragon’s head from the hall.
And for the third time the king opened his mouth. Closed. I waited. Opened again and began speech.
– I welcome everyone at the open meeting of the court “Nazir, Mazir and Fazir against the Oswald of the saint, the Grimbold of the Fiery, the Mavle of the Destroyer and Sylvio,” the king hesitated, read the recording and whispered to his left elf, “that that? Just Silvio? … why? … yes? … Hm. Okay,- then continued to the hall,- you can sit down. So. Please, Eliscap, read the charge.
Got an elf sitting to the right of the king.
-Khe-khe. Dragon heads Nazir, Mazir and Fazir accuse Oswald of the saint, Grimbold of the Fire, the Mavle of the Destroyer and Silvio of plundering his own cave, abuse of their menagerie, the abduction of a person, the murder of their two brothers, whose heads the defendants carried away with them, and under article 128 of the decree of the United Kingdom of Free peoples.In a crime on racial attitude ". It is also indicated that the defendants did all this under the influence of alcoholic and/or narcotic drugs, which they continued to take even during the defense of the prosecutors of their cave from the accused. After the prosecutors managed to hide from the accused and sit out in the neighboring mountains, they returned to their cave and found that the treasury was empty, the collection of weapons was stolen, and the roommate was stolen. I convey the word to the accusing side.
The heads looked at each other, obviously I wanted to say either to everyone, or vice versa. After a couple of seconds, the middle head turned to the hall and began speech.
– Thank you, comrade king. So. We, in the person of the surviving brothers VHGAAANG, want to say thank you for the opportunity to defend our rights. Although we had to wait long for an answer, but nevertheless we are here today. According to the Criminal Code of the SCS, all the peoples inhabiting the lands of the Althazia countries, Landgondy and the Clean before unification, enter the United Kingdom with the same rights, and since we lived in the mountains, albeit secretly, but constantly, we are agitating you to consider us equal in rights. Moreover, the names of the peoples that move and the kingdoms in the UK do not indicate in the Criminal Code of the SCS. It is simply written, I quote “all the inhabitants of the kingdoms”, which means we, dragons! So. I go closer to business. A month ago, these four “heroes”, as they themselves shouted, on the orders of someone burst into our caves, killed our army, and this is, among other things, 147 skeletons, consisting of at least 3-4 members each! They did not spare neither women nor children, cutting out everyone and everyone! Then they destroyed my pet. And here we woke up. The alarm rang. We just prefer to get up early and write memoirs for descendants. But as soon as we got out of the room and gathered to fly to the lake on the promenade, as these "heroes" attacked us. The first brother leaned toward them, but did not have time to say the word, as he had inflicted a chopping blow to his neck, because of which he died. We tried to run away, but we were constrained by magic! We had to defend ourselves! But neither fiery breathing, nor claws, nor tail helped against them. As a result of the fight, we lost another brother, and then managed to fly away, so that everyone would not die. A couple of days later we returned home. And then they found the death of our friends of skeletons, and the loss of the menagerie, and the absence of all gold! I am silent that they stole our collection of weapons and took away our roommate, who led the accounting department and followed cleanliness! We have left a week to collect corpses and bones for burial. Then we immediately began to fill up you with letters with demands to consider this case. When you agreed to consider the case, we were at first a little surprised, but then we realized that justice was almost enthusiastic and here we are. So far, everything is your honor.
The heads looked at each other, whispered and calmed down. The people were silent, although they expected more. Why were the defendants silent? Why not protested? The mystery was opened quickly when the elf from the commission removed the silence spell from the cage. Sounds began to appear almost immediately. And the loud breath of the minotaur, and the rattle of armor, and the rumbling of the cat. But all the sounds that the dragon could make gone. After working with the magical field, the elf stood up and said:
– The word is transmitted by the defendant.
The Minotaur immediately growled:
– If this stupid magic had not been imposed on us, then we would not have to listen to this nonsense. Who is he? We had an order. He is a dragon. He is evil. What the hell should we make excuses? We followed the order! Moreover, in ..
The king was furiously pounding with a hammer:
– Silence in the hall! Speak only on the merits! I don’t need your speculations! Silence!
The dragon, although he could not make sounds, the three saggy from the shock of the jaw clearly proved that they were shocked by what they heard. No, of course, the Minotaur did not listen to the king, and the elf did not even try to apply the spell. So everyone heard that the order was given to the destruction of the dragon himself. Nevertheless, after what was expressed, the Minotaur calmed down and gave the floor to others.
The knight got up. He took out a book from a cassock and began a speech:
– Dear people, commission, king. Before God and you, I swear on the Holy Scriptures to tell the truth, only the truth and nothing but the truth. Two months ago, we received an order from the unknown indicating the task and award. The order was in search of a den of evil in the mountains. Everything suited us, we signed the contract, left it in a preceded place and went in search. For a month we were looking for this damned cave. Mountains plowed a month. Month in the cold and hunger. And so we found her! In the beginning we were attacked by skeletons. There were hundreds of them, but we boldly fought with them to the last rustle of bones in darkness! Then there were evil animals! We boldly fought, but they were stronger and a little delayed us. All this time we were treated with potions that can be bought in any shop in the city. The magician and I, of course, also drank other elixirs to continue to conjure. And then a dragon appeared! We did not expect him at all, but the Moor was not at a loss. With one blow, he chopped off his head, which leaned towards us to eat the Grimbold, who at that moment was distracted to read. Then there was a battle during which we continued to drink elixirs for treatment and tried to intimidate the dragon with loud cries. After another severed head, the dragon fled. We examined the cave. Found the gold, which was later handed over to the customer, who is now in the hall. More precisely, not to him, but his messenger. He himself could not come. We sold the weapon found in the shops, and the girl who was starting with the mind (she claimed that the dragon did not hold it back, and she herself served as her desire.), we sent to my monastery to cleanse the mind. But over the past month, she was not cured. Poor girl. That’s all, the king. My respect.
The knight sat down. The hall was silent struck by what he heard. The elf took off the spell and continued the speech:
– The parties told their versions. Now we move on to the interrogation of witnesses. Lawyers – your word.
Brothers Lawyers exchanged glances. Everyone wanted to be Hand of Luck Casino review the first, but the unspoken rule of the brothers said – who has more witnesses – the first. The defender defender won today. He got up and went to the middle of the hall.
– I would like to greet all the audience. The case, of course, is egregious, but kr ..
“Closer to the point, dear,” said the elf, burning a lawyer poured out of his gaze and voice with the contempt of a lawyer.
-Yes, yes. I call Madame Martu.
A spectacular lady entered the door of the hall. The height of her heels gave her growth even greater threat, and her waist was approximately equal to her height. Her huge breasts emphasized an extremely massive corset even more. And the color of the dress and corset left no doubt – this is the lady clearly loved the attention of men. And many have already experienced. She walked slowly and decently in a place allotted for witnesses. But approaching, she cast a full look at the dimensions of this “chain in the pen” and hung over the tallest lawyer in the world, obviously trying to crush him with his gaze. He quickly flew up to the rostrum and with a light movement of his hand spread the mechanisms inside the wooden crossbars so that even two Madame Martha could well fit there. That, pleased with the result, sat down on a chair.
“Madame Marta,” the lawyer began, “you promise g ..
– Yes. And again yes. Let’s faster, otherwise the monastery is soon lunch. If I do not arrange another hysteria to these nuns, then they can break off the hook.
– Fine. So. You, according to the prosecutor, is his economy?
– And what was your work?
– Ha! Do you really think that these five brothers are able to independently rule a small state, which was built in their cave? Yes, these skeletons would have gone to smash the villages for a long time if I had not built a legal state, economics and other joys of the living world! They had a theater of my name! Imagine? Theater! And the bank! I agreed with the inhabitants of a different plan so that they allocate the island for living these guys! And in the cave there were only protective borders and a couple of intelligence detachments. Everyone else came running to the noise. Even sellers from shops! And educators from gardens! Well, the children themselves. As a result, when these four idiots brought me out, by the way, tightly connected, from the cave, I had to literally follow the corpses of my children! And the menagerie? What were the copies! The last manticor was killed! And this is if you forget others who have units or dozens of representatives in the world! And I did all this! And what did the dragon do? The alcohol made by skeletons was loosen from the poison of huge scorpions and wrote his “books”, which few could read at all! Eh, you! "Heroes"! You destroyed everything that I did for many years in an hour! And you, the creature trembling? What the hell you buried everything? If the skeletons are buried the second time, then they can no longer be returned! And animals could be lifted! And now they can only be given to skeletons as spare parts! My God! Writer, but dumber of stools!
– You see? She was crazy!, – said the knight.
“Forgive us, Marta,” three heads said, pulling his eyes to the floor.
– Silence!, The king shouted., – Continue, lawyer.
– So, we see that these “heroes” took and attacked an honest landowner, hiding behind a fictional order. Everything, Mr. Judge. I convey the word to my brother. More precisely, the lawyer of the accused.
And sat back. The dragon began to whisper something to him. And at this time, the second brother went to Madame Marta:
– Madame Marta, let me ask you. And what is the year now?
– So, we see that she is not able to answer elementary questions! After all, she is under the curse of the dragon. Madame Marta, how much will there be two plus two?
– How dare you put me ..
– And again, the next proof that these glorious guys saved this poor thing, which was attacked by a huge evil mon ..
He did not have time to finish, since Madame’s hands came together on his neck. Its massive fingers and rings on them killed the access of not only air into the body, but also blood into the brain. But one of the elves shouted something, and Madame sharply released a lawyer and dropped him to the floor.
-If something similar is repeated again, then we will be forced to escort you from the hall.
– VDT, Vidt. … on the htla mnya ubt. She is cursed. -Choking, barely able to pronounce an almost alive lawyer.
– Nothing to ask stupid provocative questions, Smerd! Oh, I feel bad! I don’t have enough air! Let me go! I have to go back to the monastery! I need to air!, – said Madame and went limp on a chair. Two major men came in and carried it out of the hall.
-Hmm … Due to the loss of a witness during interrogation, we are forced to annul in her testimony!, – the king said by a shrill voice.
The dragon hissed, the people in the hall were indignantly rustled, and the quartet was silently silent. With the exception of a minotaur. He delighted. Then all the noises were drowned out by the knock of a hammer.
– Silence! What is there next? There are still witnesses?
– Yes! Your honor, we have another witness!, – the witness of defense yelled., “I ask the hall …,” he hesitated, “that is, he is already here. There was simply no place in the corridor … well, you understand, yes? Well … uh … the dragon Sigit is invited.
The head nodded from the hall.
-Yes. Stay there. Dragon Sigit. Imagine the hall.
– I’m a neighbor of the prosecutors. I saw everything and gave them certificates regarding the legal norms on which they could rely. I saw how ..
– I protest!, – shouted the lawyer of the defendants, – this dragon killed a couple of people some time ago, for which he should be killed without any court!
– What are you carrying? When? I have not left the cave for several centuries!
– Just ten minutes ago! We all heard screams and sounds of struggle.
“But they themselves attacked! I defended myself!
– No. Your mountains are opposite the mountain mountains, yes?
– Your mountains are not part of our kingdom. And therefore ..
The dragon did not even have time to break out. There was a click and the hall sprinkled with hot dark blood. The people yelled with fear and rushed to the exit, but their heads fell just opposite the doors, barricading the doors. The Dragon-Conductor also tried to break free, but his neck was stuck in the opening. With fear, he shot with fire, burning everything that was inside. But then a second click was heard and his heads fell off too. When the noise is a melting, the ash fell, and at least something became visible, it turned out that the quartet and the commission survived. True, the commission lost the goblins and the entire hem of the king, but then everything survived. Grindelwald and Elf-Vytnik removed magic shields.
– Finally. Moor, help.
The Minotaur stood up, pulling the cage from the floor, and then threw it to the side. Then the detachment went to the rostrum. The knight spoke:
– I still think that the murder of so many innocent creatures is unjustified! It was possible to hold a closed meeting. Or come up with another plan!
– Come on, doctor. Here I am not against. My family was cut, and I – nothing! Why? And the inheritance fell to me. Look for pluses.
– Wait. That’s not all. Silvio?
He nodded and stuck a dagger into the neck of the magician. Moor and Oswald tried to defend themselves, but they were kept by the elves with their magic, which allowed the thief to kill both easily and naturally. Then he wiped the dagger against the cassock of the clergyman and went to the commission:
– So, the king. Our contract is completed? Both dragons are dead thanks to the traps that our people on the outside, the “heroes” who used to rob you, were elevated to the rank of icons among the people, and then killed by great dragons when you saved you. It remains only to burn the corpses and you can write off everything on these creatures. Well, Madame in the church will soon be eliminated. There are no witnesses left … well … almost.
– Yes. You are right, ”said the king,“ only you haven’t taken into account something. I understand that your order has long wanted to rule, but you just don’t need to consider a person stupid if he behaves like that. Do you really think that I didn’t foresee it? I agreed with this wise, but already dead magician who kindly warned me for a small reward, that all this was a coup. I unsubscribed to him a small piece of land in the north. For this he made my phantom, which is here. And my body is in the castle. By the way, I will now dispel the spell, and you will stay here. And die under the rubble. After all, the building is mined by my order! The magician told me that if this is not done, then the dragons will fel up their heads and return. In truth! The wise was a man, but not far away … HRPRV ovatd …
The monologue was interrupted by a well -aimed throw of the dagger into the throat of the king. The phantom suddenly turned out to be a completely living king who died quickly enough.
The question rang out in the silence:
– Silvio! How did you guess that the king is real?
– Um … it was not me.
In the newly coming silence, there was a quiet meav, who emanated from the completely gray -haired mage cat, who stood on his hind legs and looked quite embittered:
– I am ready to destroy you for the murder of my body, but I need advisers to manage this state. If we agree on this, and you will no longer try to kill me, then I will get everyone out of here.
– Ha! Elves have never received help from people!
– Well then, say goodbye, idiots, – the elves did not even have time to notice how the cat managed to dart to a narrow gap in one of the walls.
– No, well, really Eliscap? Why are you such an idiot?, -And then the explosion crashed.
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